getting a good grade on the test you were 97.4% sure you were going to fail
getting a good grade on the test you were 97.4% sure you were going to fail
I know I don’t have many followers, but if it isn’t too much to ask I would like for everyone to just take a second to read my story. The pictures above are a summary of my life the past two years. From my first date with Christian, to my first and only prom with him, to finding out I was pregnant and starting our family. As you can see the past two years have sort of been a roller coast ride for me, with plenty of ups and downs. But I can easily say they were the best two years of my life. There are a few dates I will never forget, starting with February 26th, 2012. That was the day me and christian officially started our relationship. The next date is July 11th, 2012. The day I found out I was approximately 7 weeks pregnant. January 12th, 2013, the day we moved into our little house. Then February 13th, 2013. The day my son, Noah Clark Carden came into the world. I’ll never forget June 8th, 2013, the day Christian was taken to jail (just a minor probation violation), and July 23rd, 2013, the day he was released. After that, the dates are all kind of just a blur and a flash of good memories. Until, October 30th, 2013. That is the night Christian died. I found him, he had committed suicide. I stayed by his side until the ambulance arrived, but he had no heart beat. I followed them to the hospital and as soon as they resuscitated him and he was stable they allowed me in his room. At first I sat by his side holding his hand, and I just cried. He was breathing on his own through a tube, and a machine was doing most of the work for his heart. Just when I lost all hope one of the nurses told me, “You know you can talk to him, right? Hearing is always the last thing to go in a situation like this”. So I did, I told him many things. Countless times I told him how much I loved him. How much me and Noah needed him. That if he would just fight for me, and come back, that God would give us another chance to do things right and to be a family. I just went on and on, and when I looked up, his eyes were half open and he was crying. Tears streaming down his face. That’s when I knew.. he wasn’t going to be able to come back to me, and he knew it too. But I stayed there, I stayed by his side until they called his death and removed the machines. And for an additional two hours I sat there with my head on his chest, and I played with his hair because that was his favorite thing. I stayed until the nurses said it was time to go, I looked at him, whispered I love you, kissed him on the forehead, and I walked out. Christian suffered from depression, but not a lot of people knew that because he never reached out to anyone. He had stopped his antidepressants, but he didn’t let anyone know. He truly felt that if he died nobody would miss him, that we were all better off without him.. well he was wrong. But he couldn’t help that he felt this way, he was sick. People don’t understand how severe a mental illness can be just because you cannot see it. So this post has two messages in it. ONE, if you are depressed and you feel like you have no purpose, like you are not loved, well you are WRONG. There are many people out there that will be affected and deeply hurt to lose you. Christian didn’t realize that until it was too late. And two, if you are having suicidal thoughts… reach out to someone.. anyone. You can even message me day or night, and I will talk if you want to talk, or listen if you want me to listen. Don’t keep things hidden, and don’t feel embarrassed, scared, or ashamed.. please. You are not unwanted, you are not any different, you are depressed, and there is a cure. I would give anything to go back and tell Christian all of this, why I waited until it was too late… I dont know. And I will never forgive myself. So don’t make that mistake. Life is too short to spread hate, to hold grudges, to cut ties. Instead forgive, spread love, and find happiness. Christian always told me how much he loved to make other people happy, and it was true. I can’t name all the favors that were left unreturned.. but he didn’t care. He did it for the joy of making someones day. He was such a people pleaser, if he couldn’t make somebody happy, he felt like he had failed. What he didn’t understand is that it wasn’t his responsibility to make others happy, but he took on the challenge anyways. When other people were hurting, Christian took in their pain as his own. Everyday took a toll on him, to the point where the pain was unbearable. But you would have never known if you met him. He would flash that smile and release every bit of happiness he had until he had none left. I know it seems cliche, but it is true. Reblog this to spread Suicide Awareness. If my story can help save just one life, well then I will feel accomplished. And if Christian knew he started something to inspire others, to bring someone to reach deep down inside and find their own inner happiness, and give them a reason to live, well then he would feel accomplished too. So please, help me do this for him. I may not have worded this exactly how I wanted to, or got everything out, but I think I did the best I could at this point.
when i see my selfie on my dash
Okay, so I normally answer this question with like a 2 minute sentence, but I feel you guys deserve a definitive answer so here we go.
Nicole and I met in 2011, how you may ask, where we met right here. Yup, right here on the same blue dashboard you’re likely reading this post on. We started talking and getting to know each other pretty well, so we moved over to facebook were our friendship escalated into something more.
Soon enough into our long distance relationship we started video chatting:
This went on for about 11 months until we would finally be able to be together.
This is me in an airport on my way to her for the first time:
It was probably the most terrifying moment of my life, personally, and I was incredibly nervous.
This is us on the car ride back to her house:
She was really shy about being in pictures, so naturally I tried to take 300.
Eventually she started giving in and took more pictures.
It was only a week, but it was the best week of my life.
Eventually we decided to start living together, I lived with her and her mom while I found a job in Michigan and made enough to get our own place.
Job hunting was fun
Not everything works out as planned though, and we ended up on the streets for 2 months trying to figure out what to do with our lives.
Looking pretty good for a homeless couple right?
When we realized things weren’t gonna work out in Michigan we decided to move to Florida with my family where things would be easier for us.
I found a job right away.
And eventually Nicole even joined the crew.
Things were going really well for us, so we decided to save every penny we had and give it a go in Michigan again. We found a place that we liked and we were happily awaiting to move in in 2 months.
Things took somewhat of a dramatic turn when Nicoles depression (which she had been battling for a major part of her life) kicked in and she made an attempt at taking her own life.
Unfortunately her family thought I was to blame for it, and since we were still living under their house while the place we wanted was available I had to go back to Florida to live with my family. We were separated for the first time in over a year.
BUT EVERYTHING CHANGED WHEN WE FOUND OUT NICOLE WAS PREGNANT
She dropped her life in Michigan and flew back to me ASAP
Our youtube channel and our blog had started to pick up a decent amount of followers, so when we asked for your help and put up a wishlist for Charlie things you guys did not disappoint.
Soon enough Nicoles belly started growing
Things had finally settled down, and we were able to enjoy ourselves for the first time, here’s the last Christmas we spent as a party of 2
Before we knew it February had rolled by and it was time for the baby.
And just like that we had conceived and brought a new life into this world.
As of May 2nd 2014 it’s been 3 months since Charlie was born.
She’s absolutely beautiful, and she’s become the center of our world. It’s been a long, hard, and sometimes stressful journey. It isn’t the most polished, or magical, or glamorous love story you will ever hear. But it is our love story, it is our journey, and we are grateful for every step of it we’ve been able to take side by side.
If you’re still following our blog after this huge post with our faces on it thank you so much, you’re awesome! <3
i”m so glad I follow them, they are my faves and I love their story. <3
oh my god can I just say how perfect they are and you should go follow them right now?